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Health & Fitness

Wouldn't It Be Fun to Throw a Literary Dinner Party? This is My Guest List

Tips on how to play "Literary Fictional Character Dinner Party." It's perfect for long auto trips or dinner conversation on first dates.

Don’t you feel - in the middle of a really well-written book – that maybe certain characters are based on a real person, or that you wish certain characters really existed? Wouldn’t it be cool to meet them?

Then, play “Literary Fictional Character Dinner Party.” It’s perfect for long auto trips or dinner conversation on first dates.

Two rules for the game:

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  • You, as the host, can only invite characters from novels or fictional short stories, or plays (no musicals!).
  • You, as the host, must be acquainted with the character by reading the book, story, or play; seeing the movie without reading the source document doesn’t count. Neither does reading the Cliff Notes, nor reading the Classics Illustrated comic book.

Here, then, after many late night solo auto trips and sleepless nights, is my guest list. Seating arrangements are boy/girl/boy/girl. Being the host, I sit at the head of the table.

To my right is Dr. Hannibal Lechter, M.D. (Red Dragon; Silence of the Lambs; Hannibal; Hannibal Rising, by Thomas Harris).  I like Dr. Lechter. I think he’d make a very good role model – except for the killing and the cannibalism. He’s erudite, urbane, cunning, and candid. His conversation is going to challenge your intellect. I won’t let him do any cooking, though.

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Next to the good doctor, I’ll place Mina Harker (Dracula, by Bram Stoker). Clever, insightful woman. She can hold her own against Count Dracula, so I’m sure she and Dr. Lechter will have lots to talk about. He’ll probably be charmed. So will she.

To the right of Mrs. Harker, I’ll seat Jim (No known last name) (Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer Abroad, by Samuel Clemens). Huckleberry Finn’s foster father teaches Huck all about survival, and treats him with a kindness that Pap - Huck's drunken real father - never showed Huck. I’m sure he and Mina will be compatible; both being insightful, resourceful, and even-tempered.

Mame Dennis (Auntie Mame; Around the World with Auntie Mame, by Patrick Dennis) will sit next to Jim. This woman is a lot of fun; she has a great sense of humor and has a great intellect, “when she chooses to display it,” as her nephew says. No adventure is too outrageous for her. "Life's a banquet!" is her motto. She’ll talk to anybody about anything. And she loves to laugh.

That’s why I’m putting Ignatius J. Reilly (Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole) next to her. He’s got an opinion about everything. He believes in the divine right of kings – as opposed to democracy – and believes that the only proper way to treat criminals can be found in the pages of “Batman.” He’ll probably criticize the food, before asking for seconds. I just hope he doesn’t bring up the subject of his “valve.”

Elizabeth Darcy (nee: “Bennet”) (Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austin) will sit next to Mr. O’Reilly. I must confess; I really went out of my way to meet her. I thought she was a fascinating character from the TV movie. But, according to my own rule number 2 above, I couldn’t invite her until I had read Pride and Prejudice. So, I hacked my way through the tangle of Jane Austin’s prose, and met this witty and clever woman. I hope she walks to the party, so that she arrives with her hair wild and tangled, with a flush to her cheeks, just the way she looked when Mr. Darcy first took notice of her. She’s got to leave her mother home, though.

Next to Mrs. Darcy will be Dudley Smith (Clandestine; The Big Nowhere; L.A. Confidential; White Jazz, by James Ellroy). Corrupt police Captain Dudley is one of two very recent memorable villains in American letters. (The other being Dr. Lechter.) He’s evil. He’s corrupt. He’s a killer. But, he’s also got charm, and plenty of stories to go with his blarney, lad. Even his creator, James Ellroy, must be fond of Dudley. While Ellroy certainly punished Dudley for his sins, he didn’t have the heart to kill him.

He’ll probably enjoy comparing notes with Livia (I, Claudius, by Robert Graves), next to whom I plan to sit him. Livia is another villain that a reader develops affection for. She’s the wife of Roman Emperor Augustus; mother of Emperor Tiberius; and grandmother to future Emperor Claudius. She’s a poisoner, a very cruel grandmother (“Please leave this room boy: I want to be in it.”), and a real harridan. She’s also the power behind the throne, an excellent and just bureaucrat. Even her grandson, Claudius – a target of some of her cruelties – admits to admiring her wisdom in running the Empire for almost fifty years, first through her husband, Augustus; and later through her son, Tiberius.

Now we reach the other end of the table, where my wife sits. She’s not a fictional character; she’s a real character.

To my wife’s right – across from Livia - will be movie director and tax deadbeat Leander Starr (Genius, by Patrick Dennis). A selfish, childish, megalomaniacal con man; but a creative genius, who can leave you spellbound when describing his latest film project. He’s been everywhere and knows everyone - mainly because he’s usually one step ahead of the IRS.

Dagney Taggert (Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand) will be placed next to Starr. She’s a beautiful woman who builds – and runs - railroads. No sense of humor, sorry to say; but always an engaging conversationalist with her own sense of right and wrong. Candid, honest, and never afraid to state her own opinion. Hope she wears that bracelet of Reardon metal.

To Dagney’s right will sit Randall McMurphy (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, by Ken Kesey). I’m putting him next to Miss Taggert because their temperaments and philosophies are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Should be an interesting chemistry. Red haired; bigger than life; big laugh, I have a feeling McMurphy and Auntie Mame will hook up after dinner – if he doesn’t get a poker game going first.

Portia (Merchant of Venice, by William Shakespeare) will sit next to Randall. She’s bright, witty, and not a bad lawyer. If she wants a dinner roll, I imagine she’ll ask, “Tell me, where is fancy bread?”

“Here ya are, little lady!” will boom the man seated to her right: Charlie Croker (A Man in Full, by Thomas Wolfe). Charley is an Atlanta businessman who’s about to lose his company to a hostile takeover. However, he won’t go without a fight. When an opportunity comes along to save his company if he betrays his scruples, he turns it down. Give that man all the bourbon he wants.

Next to Charlie sits Mother Abigail Freemantle (The Stand, by Stephen King). After Stephen King wipes out most of civilization with a man-made plague, the survivors have a choice of going to Las Vegas to be with the Dark Man, or to the Free Zone, in Boulder, Colorado. This is where the good people are assembling under the wisdom and guidance of Mother Abigail. This 108 year old woman from Nebraska is the moral bellwether of the new society. When a major character tells her he doesn't believe in God, she laughs and says, "Don't matter, honey; He believes in you!"

She’s a gentle woman; that’s why I’ve seated her to the left of Theobold Persevere (The Toad) (While Mrs. Coverlet’s Was Away, Mrs. Coverlet’s Magicians Mrs. Coverlet’s Detectives, by Mary Nash). In Mrs. Coverlet's Magicians, this 6 year old kid sent away for a magic kit from the back of a horror comic and conjured up a snowstorm for Christmas. He responds well to kindly old ladies, but, he can be a handful to his older brother and sister. Maybe he can get Mother Abigail to read, Snow White and the Seventh Divorce to him.

Next to the Toad, I’ll sit 8 year old Jean Louise “Scout” Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee). Scout’s father is a lawyer, and is faced at the end of the novel with an ethical dilemma; to proceed legally or morally. It’s Scout’s simple childlike perspective that guides her father to the right decision. She’ll be a good influence on the Toad.

If it could only be.

It can’t, of course, but it might make a good idea for a costume party; come as your favorite fictional character, and stay in character for the duration of the party.  You could even RSVP as the character: “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn about your party, but I’ll be there anyway.”

I’m going to stop by the library on my way home from work.

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