The Gay Marriage Question: No Answer

Who's making less of what now?

Two weeks ago in this column I commented on same-sex marriage. The topic of the column was the pursuit of an answer to a question that remains unanswered.

The question (put to those who say that marriage equality will "make less" of their heterosexual marriage) is, "Okay, what does marriage equality for all citizens of this country/state say about your marriage?"

Prior to writing that column I had never been given an explanation. Two weeks after writing the column I still don’t have an answer. Oh, I heard from many, many people. Interestingly, the majority of people that I heard from were supportive of marriage equality.

Yet I heard from dozens who are adamantly against it. Some, who sent their emails directly to my email address choosing not to post on the PATCH site, were not always so nice and occasionally vile. But, as I continually state in this column, THIS IS AMERICA AND CAN WE CAN SAY ANYTHING WE WANT. Yahoo!

I was told ... 

"The act of homosexuality is an abomination and sin many times over."

"Why do you feel entitled to enjoy the benefits of marriage when you have proclaimed the basis for this marriage is based on being a homosexual? Why should everyone be forced to confer legitimacy on that which is historically against human nature? You are completely free to live your life as you see fit; but don't try and proclaim that everyone must accept your definition of what normal is. Have a really great day, unless you have made other plans!"

"May you know no peace in this life."

"At the end of every speech that an American president makes he says, ‘God Bless the United States of America’.  The law of this land is that God rules here and not the deviants who support homosexuality."

"A pox on you and your house!"

"You and all like you will burn in hell for eternity."

Aside from nasty comments and quotes from the Bible, no one ever answered the question.  Several supporters of separation of church and state and/or marriage equality did contradict the statement that marriage equality will compromise anyone else’s marriage -

"As far as I can determine, no one has ever come up with a valid reason to oppose same sex marriage. First, all religious arguments are invalid. We have separation of church & state, so what the bible or any other religious document says must not be considered. Religious institutions can make any rules they want for their members, but they cannot affect others, so no one should even bring them up.

"Second, whatever anyone else, gay or straight, does in their marriage has no affect whatever on my marriage. Third, the institution of marriage is under attack by many factors, such as divorce, cohabitation etc. Gay marriage is not one of them.

"Endowed by the Almighty with certain INALIENABLE RIGHTS means that those rights should NEVER be put up for a vote to be taken away. Those rights include the pursuit of happiness AND equal protection under the law. If my heart leads me to another man or another woman, then that is my brand of happiness, harming no other in the process."

"Homosexual marriage does not interfere, or remove, my rights to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness; thus it should be legalized."

"I simply do not understand the 'Christian' attitude toward gay marriage. If God made us all, who are we to say that certain people don't have the right to happiness and security?"

"The heart of Christianity is much richer than beliefs. Faith is an attitude of trust; an openness to truth, whatever it may be."

So, I’m thinkin’ about all this and relating it all to my beliefs as a Christian.  Yes, I am a Christian. As I once related in a column some time ago, "I am a child of God" who just happens to be a gay woman. As I mulled all this over in my mind I thought about some of the things I have heard or seen of late that involve members of the Christian faith.

• I heard a Catholic bishop say, “Heaven help us if gay marriage is approved.”

• I watched the evening news in horror as Christians lined the streets in protest bearing signs and posters that said horrible un-Christian-like things at the funeral of an American soldier who gave his life for his country. The chants include rants that state that this death is God’s punishment for homosexuality.  This act has been repeated on several occasions.

• Christian people show up in Trenton to protest the passing of a marriage equality law and many of the accusations shouted at those in favor are cruel and repulsive. Not really ‘Christian behavior’.

• I have witnessed or been the recipient of dubious behavior on the part of many Christians who condemn me because of who I am.

Well, you know what?  I’m pissed. I’m good and pissed. These people who call themselves Christians MAKE LESS’ OF MY CHRISTIAN FAITH. And you want to know how? You want examples? Just look up above.

Hypocrisy runs rampant.

C.M. McLoughlin, a writer and editor from New Jersey and New York, can be reached at mcloughlin43@gmail.com.

Nolan Thompson January 29, 2012 at 05:38 AM
I feel the same way that you do. I see idiots parading around as Christians when they can't even read the damn bible correctly... it almost makes me ashamed. But I know that I'm better than they are. If people would take the time to actually read what's there in the book and apply context and logic instead of being spoonfed lies by preachers who were, themselves, spoonfed the same lies, they'd see that homosexuality is completely fine. Anyways, God bless from a fellow gay christian. May the blind mass that is America come to know truth and light from God.
Step Collins January 29, 2012 at 06:20 AM
Elaine I am an ordained minister and want you to know that Christ said nothing against same sex relationships period. It's nice how some who claim they are Christian do not follow his teachings at all. There are so many things that people in today's society do that violate many biblical convenants such as divorce, incest, adultery, hair cuts (yes hair cuts) it's only when the sheep of this world are lead by the wolf that they start to condem others. I believe this is an attempt to divert attention away from their own sins such as placing judgement on another. I will pray for all the lgbt community because I know without a shadow of a doubt that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit welcome us all into their hearts and into Heaven.
Joan Spinner January 29, 2012 at 06:49 AM
Good for you! You have the right to be angry at people trying to do things to you that they would never tolerate from you. You are right, these "Christians" are the ones who are a threat to marriage. They stand in the way of people loving each other and being the kinds of people who add to the Christ-like presence in the world instead of detract from like those who spew their hate at others be they of a different faith or gay. Real Christians may disagree but they don't spread hate as their message. Love always wins in the long run.
April January 29, 2012 at 07:09 AM
Just thinking....I THOUGHT marriage was about love??? I had a GREAT mother who raised me to have an open mind and never judge anyone...and I am doing the same for my girls (I hope). We are all made to be different, and THANK GOD for that!!! I am glad you wrote this and I agree with you. I just wish others could open their minds and shut their mouths to listen once in a while.
Raymond Clayton January 29, 2012 at 02:06 PM
Carolann, I too am a Gay Christian. I was raised in the Nazarene church, the son of a Nazarene minister. I have always been gay and luckily, I was blessed with a mom that not only taught me to think for myself but also encouraged it. I can't stand the remarks that so many Christians make in regards to homosexuality. Christ himself never once said anything for or against it. I have always lived my life in accordance with the teachings of Christ, not man. I think it's absolutely reprehensible that a basic civil/equal right such as marriage is being left up to the voters. Never before in history (that I can recall) has the issue of equal rights been allowed to be determined by the masses. I'm hearing more and more politicians state this, whether or not they personally agree with same sex marriage. Maybe there's hope yet that the rest of our elected officials will pull their collective heads out of their a...... and realize once and for all that equal rights are for all Americaans, not just the privileged few. Thank you for your voice and may God bless you.
Ingmar January 29, 2012 at 02:22 PM
Aside from the vile acts and language of some so-called Christians, I think what puzzles me the most is how they pick and choose which parts of the Bible they want to uphold. They claim that the bible declares same-sex behavior "an abomination," but they quite easily overlook other declared "abominations" identified in the same book... including the eating of shellfish, the wearing of mixed fiber clothing... the list goes on and on. These anti-Christian "Christians" choose the parts of the Bible that reflect their own fears and prejudices and ignore the rest.
Jim Fotter January 29, 2012 at 03:47 PM
I believe that Christian author Ann Lamott nailed the behavior that you describe in above in her book Traveling Mercies when she observed: "You can safely assume that you created God in your own image when it turns out that He hates the same people that you do."
John Roberts January 29, 2012 at 05:17 PM
what is tragic is that it is not common knowledge among believers, that their belief system, whether it be one person or a group of people is centered on them, and has absolutely nothing to do with christ, where all things of him are centered on him, on the fruit of his spirit,gal5: love, joy,peace, kindness, patience,goodness,self-control,faithfulness,and gentleness. what is of his spirit is life. disgust, fear, rage, and distrust are not fruits of his spirit. some how there is the misconception that obedience to this legality or that legality makes someone holy, and that it is homosexuality that violates this legality. the only thing that makes anyone holy(set apart) is his spirit living in us. how can obedience to a regulation(which gives no life) give life. there have been more inhumane acts for the sake of a legality then any other human motivating force. it was church(institutional) legalities against the jews that foster 1500 years of inquisitions(7), genecides, deportments, containment centers and cuminated in a halocaust. what sets us apart is his fruit of the spirit living in us,which gives life. we know this because his spirit lives in all and speaks to all. some call it allah, cosmic life, human dignity.......
Scott Mcgowan January 29, 2012 at 07:38 PM
Marriage licenses are issued by the state, not the church. No religion is necessary for a marriage to be legal or recognized. The religious don't like it but it's fact just the same.
John Roberts January 29, 2012 at 07:54 PM
scott humans by nature are religious. humans make the laws for other humans. you can no more seperate humans from religion than you can seperate them from breathing. i cannot tell you the number of avowed athiests who have used bible says arguments to support their position.
John Roberts January 29, 2012 at 07:57 PM
its not about whether religion influences the law but what religion is influencing it..
Scott Mcgowan January 30, 2012 at 02:32 AM
Humans by nature are religious? Not even close, religion is all indoctrination into believing what they are told to believe . I do just fine without religious belief in my life as do MANY that I know. No religion is necessary to be a good citizen or person. You did not dispute the FACT that, NO religion is necessary for a marriage to be legal or recognized. A marriage does not have to be honured by God to be valid. I understand you don't like this fact but it is true nonetheless.
Dave January 31, 2012 at 07:34 AM
It all boils down to: Who would Jesus hate?


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